You know that feeling you have when you know the flu is about to hit you? Your throat is scratchy. Your nose is runny. Dull aches and pains are running up and down your body. You know it’s just a matter of time, but you fight it as hard as you can, pumping yourself full of Emergen-C, NyQuil and chicken noodle soup. You even lay off the booze, go to bed early and take a few rest days from the gym. But then, BOOM, a week later that freaking flu hits you and knocks you out. It was going to happen no matter what. You just delayed the inevitable.
I’ve felt like that lately, only instead of avoiding the flu, I was trying to avoid confronting the reality of my current situation. I’m still 100% sure that I made the right decision moving back to Omaha, but as the days go by and once promising job prospects disappear, I have felt a little bit of a “happiness flu” creeping up on me (does that even make sense?). So, I’ve fought it off by spending tons of quality time with the family and friends I’ve been missing for the past 12 years, focusing on improving my blog, hitting the gym and working on some freelance articles. I’ve even become a regular in a vinyasa yoga class (and I almost like it…almost.).
In all honesty, there’s a sort of constant anxiety hanging over my head. Yes, I’m finally in Omaha, but, to put it bluntly (let’s not beat around the bush), I’m 30, unemployed, single and living in my parents’ basement. Please laugh out loud right now. It will make me feel better.
Anyway, I certainly have a lot to be thankful for, but I don’t care who you are, this situation would probably put a damper on your mood every now and then. Somehow, I’ve avoided that inadequate feeling…until now. The other day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t fight the “happiness flu” anymore. I had to admit to myself that yes, I felt a little disheartened about my current situation. Then, I had a couple of glasses of wine with Emily, and suddenly the world was a better place. It was actually a relief to acknowledge that I wasn’t completely okay with where I’m at right now. Just like the 24 hour flu, I knew this uncomfortable feeling wasn’t permanent, but it felt somewhat healthy to sit and talk about it over some pinot grigio.
Anyway, this long-winded intro is actually to say that, like every other unsettling time in my life, running has become my outlet. Now that it’s finally warmer (probably temporarily – damn midwest weather), there is nothing that makes me happier than lacing up my shoes and running until I don’t feel like running anymore. I never have a plan, a route, even a pace. I just run, blast my cheesy country music (intermixed with random rap songs) and literally work through every problem in my head, whether it’s writer’s block or personal issues. And when I’m running, everything I’m thinking about and hoping for seems entirely possible.
So, lately, I’ve been thinking, if only I could live the way I run… Continue Reading →
